08 March 19 - Digging for my past..

In awe... The past returned...

I dont know..
I dont remember since when..
It's been years..
It's been far too long..
I've neglected my past..
I aimed, and marched forward without caring for anything..
Yet now, I suddenly felt like turning to reminisce the past..

These were not the issue, but while I'm under the saga..

I was introduced to Yin Yu Yuan's epic struggle for life.

I been in RO for a year.
I met a 16 yrs old blood cancer girl.
Remember the sweetness of training.
It was happy to meet new net friends.
Selya Angel would disappear every few days...
Later on I found out Yin Yu Yuan had silently go through painful laser treatment.
The good friends would gather and have all the fun...
This song dedicate to Selya Angel in heaven. We glad to have her as a good friend. We wish her happiness, her smile will always smilie upon us.
On March her condition was critical and send to hospital for emengency.
Mid March we got news from her...
She had passed away!
We Sobbed and cry our heart out.
She passed away before her birthday but we fulfill her wish - a Crown.
Her sis using her character open a chatroom which said: "Sis, wish you can see this."
Selya Angel, we shall remember you in our heart.

I've somehow forgotten it, yet the moment of truth returned, and now, I'm haunted by the past. She was around my age. Her death was in the Mid-March 2006.
The tale bought a huge grief to me, mourning unceasingly upon her death.
To be surrounded by what we so called "soulmates", what is there to be afraid of? What else do we need to ask for other than a life, full of joys to be with our true friends?

Now, just suddenly, everything is flowing in me.
I cannot find them, why arent there any memo on the related event?

Where are the memories? Where did I buried them?
I feel so unfaithful for burying them now..

Troubled by the past, once again, I cannot turn back in fear of falling into the hole of the past.
I've nowhere to turn now..
Why am I doing all of these stressing projects and work?
What did I aimed for before this?
I've accomplished the first step toward my goal, yet I dont feel happy about it.
Thus leads me to the question :

Are these really what I want?

Ah...... I guess I better spent sometime alone and reminisce of the past again.
Should I calm down, my views should be clear. But what I really wants, is definitely a true answer of my own.


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